Officials deny stimulus package is a gamble

Funds being set aside for hotel revival, golf course expansion, teen center, 24-pump gas station

Royal Straight

Change is in the air. It's stimulating. Based on the first three months, we have a pretty good idea what will happen before the year is out:

All three Boston teams Celtics, Bruins and Red Sox will be world champions, and the players will vote to ban champagne from their locker rooms, both because of the economy and because it sets such a bad example for young, aspiring athletes.

The Rye Board of Selectmen will give in to their instincts and declare all their meetings non-public, since they already spend so much time in non-public deliberations anyway.

The Farragut Hotel will be rebuilt on Ocean Boulevard on two conditions ordered by the Zoning Board: That there be no guest rooms; that their be a long balcony on ocean side. The hotel's sole use will be as a gambling casino. The balcony will be a place where gamblers can get some fresh air between their dream-filled activities and gaze out upon the Star Island hotel, envisioning the day when it too will become a gambling casino.

Rye Historical Society photo of Farragut Hotel.

Rye's new Farmers Market will be such a hit that Shaw's, Hannaford's and Market Basket will close all their stores in the region.

The Ciborowski property will finally get the go-ahead to be developed with one stipulation from the Planning Board: That it include a 24-pump filling station.  It will be the site of a huge gambling casino.

The Abenaqui Country Club will become a 36-hole course, taking all the homes on the south side by eminent domain. The club doesn't have such power but it is eminent.

The old police station, diagonally across from Town Hall, will finally be developed as a Teen Center, with one condition by the Selectment: That no other activity will be allowed other than playing with the slot machines.

Parsons Field will get full-time, year-round use for a carnival with Ferris Wheels, bumper cars, shooting galleries, and, of course, slot machines.

Rye will throw in the towel on trying to reason with Hampton regarding homes connected to that town's sewer system. Instead, Rye will throw its support behind the Big Pipeline coming down from the Dover area, through Great Bay, across the coastline and then swinging out into the ocean opposite the Hampton Casino, which incidentally will be  converted into a gambling casino.

The Portmouth Herald will bite the bullet, publish 100 percent online and buy out Rye Reflections.

The developers of the Saunders Restaurant property will give up their plans and instead develop the present restaurant location into a you-know-what.

Gov. King will sign a bill, commonly referred to as AIG Jr., that will provide for receiver towns to give back 90% of the money they received from donor towns through the years.

The absent-minded author of this article will do a better job remembering what day it is.

April Fools Day, 2009