Rye Reflections' alumni to prosper

Staffers use their RR experience to further their interests

Blackdog McFarland

No matter what explanation of the shutting down of Rye Reflections you may read in other portions of this, our final issue, old Black Dog deemed it important to present our faithful readers with the real facts behind the event.

Yes, Rye Reflections is a time-consuming venture for many of us, particularly for those charged with the responsibility of "publication" and all the work that accompanies it. Be that as it may, Rye Reflections is actually closing so that its many participants can devote time to their new interests. Yes, Rye Reflections has spawned new opportunities for each and every one of its members. It's a wonderful thing. The American entrepreneurial way has blessed our mostly not so young staff with fantastic and lucrative opportunities which we shall detail forthwith. So weep not for the Rye Reflections staff, just take a tiny moment to urge them on.

In 2007 Jayne quietly began working on her lifelong dream, an organization she calls Nannies for Ninnies. The premise of her idea is that there are many parents in the world who really don't have a clue as to how to bring up a child, and Nannies for Ninnies is there to assist them. To quote Jane, "They know how to build babies¦ that comes naturally. But to nurture them, that's another story." In just three years Jane's initially non-profit organization has grown and flourished. In November it will become a for-profit corporation and will have its introduction to the New York Stock Exchange, debuting with the symbol NFN. Jayne has agreed to ring the opening bell at the exchange on the morning of November 14. The initial offering price is expected to be around $22, and many think it should have no trouble moving up from that level.

Bill is mulling over two opportunities. While his first offer of taking over the job of witchdoctor for the Boston Red Sox is appealing to the sportsman in Bill, his love of politics means that he will most likely take the other offer and become the presidential candidate of the Tea Party during the 2012 election. The Tea Party's offer to make Bill its presidential candidate came after many of the members had read and approved of Bill's opinion pieces in Rye Reflections. Bill's only concern as he considers his options: "Do I have to become one of them to become one of them?"

Jack recently accepted an offer from NBC television to take over the late night show from Jay Leno. "Turn about is fair play!" he was heard to remark as he inked a three-year multi-million dollar contract. Driscoll earned consideration from NBC after conducting a multi-year letter writing campaign attempting to convince NBC that late night shows relied too much on big name guests. Driscoll promises that there are huge changes coming to late night television. He plans to focus upon ordinary Americans who have made a name for themselves in unusual ventures.  Among the guests that he has lined up for his first month of broadcasting are two of the three Rye selectmen, the United State's hot dog eating champion and a young lady from Wisconsin who won the state's horse-stall cleaning contest at the Wisconsin State Fair. "People are tired of politicians and celebrities," states Driscoll, "and I am out to prove it."

Always the entrepreneur, Bob has recently purchased the Mount Washington Weather Observatory and its surrounding land and buildings from the bankrupt United States government and plans to build a world class ski area and luxury hotel on the site.

According to Dunn, the first year or two of operation he will utilize the Cog Railway to bring skiers to the summit of Mt. Washington, but as the operation flourishes he will incorporate the latest technology which will allow him to move skiers uphill faster than the breathtaking speed that they attain downhill as they "schuss the headwall." Popular in parts of Europe, this technology is called the "laserlift" and will propel patrons up a well-defined track at nearly the speed of light. Meanwhile, despite some reluctance to spend the winter months on top of what is popularly called the "rock pile," Bob's wife Marion has agreed to assume the responsibility of head chef at the new hotel. "Expect a lot of blueberry muffins," says Marion, "since the delivery of the provisions needed to produce gourmet food to the top of the mountain is suspect at best."

Catherine's several years of experience working with the vagaries of Pluto (the idiosyncratic publishing program used by Rye Reflections since its inception) has allowed her the opportunity to take a high paid position with Google. According to Catherine, she will be in charge of a top-secret Google endeavor in the area of word processing and publishing. Due to the nature of her project, Catherine was close mouthed when asked about her assignment. "Pluto is but a little puppy," she asserted, "and I'll be chasing the big dog." That was her only comment.

Norm's career revival is a natural as he combines his poetic abilities so well documented in Rye Reflections with his experience as a course ranger at Abenaqui Country Club. When approached by the Professional Golf Association to take on the responsibility of Official Poet, Norm quickly acquiesced. According to a spokesperson for the PGA, the organization felt that its image needed some improving, and it was particularly desirable to cultivate a closer relationship with the arts. Norm has persuaded them to begin and end each tournament with a reading of poetry. Walker will read some of his own works and some of other poets. As Norm puts it, "I am working on something really grand for the Masters."

Ellen and Hank, along with Ellen's husband David, are going on a world tour of their musical group. It all happened almost accidentally. The three of them were recording "You Can't Be a Pirate with All of Your Parts" and were overheard by an executive of Capitol Records. As Ellen puts it, "It's all been a whirlwind since then." They were wined and dined by Capitol and were also persuaded to change the name of their group. Instead of "The Pirates of Concord Point," the new name will borrow a little mystique from the Rolling Stones and be called the Reeling Pirates. Their upcoming tour, which begins in January, will feature concerts in 27 countries and 43 cities. According to McFarland, the Reeling Pirates have committed to performing in the language of the country where the performance is taking place. Since all three of the Reeling Pirates are devoid of any sense of international linguistics, it should be an interesting trip.

Pappou has generously donated a piece of his land in New Castle to develop a retirement community for homeless teddy bears. "It's a shame how today's young grow up, go to college, marry, and then reject their lifelong companions, their teddy bears," commented Bill. "I'm going to make sure that no New Castle bear ever goes hungry or lacks for a space to sleep." He is working on a plan which will allow the bears to attend the church's Wednesday evening pot luck supper as well as allocating them an afternoon each week to frequent New Castle Commons. While Bill says that at this time his plan only accommodates New Castle bears, because of his many friendships with Rye people made during his service to Rye Reflections, he may be able to work in a few Rye bears "as long as they're not unruly."

It's no surprise that Jim has also taken a high tech job. This one is with Adobe, where he has accepted the responsibility of bringing tactility to Photoshop. In Jim's own words, "It is one thing to look at a picture of a beautiful woman, quite another to have her at your fingertips." Women aside, imagine having the ability to feel the slime of a jellyfish, the warm stickiness of a just baked chocolate cake, or the breathtaking cold of a Rocky Mountain pool in winter, all available right on your computer. It's all coming, and it's in the capable hands, or should we say fingers, of our man Cerny.

The Palms have signed on with Regent Seven Seas Cruise Lines as a husband and wife team. Ken will take the dual roles of ship photographer and casino dealer while Judy will be the cruise director. Their first cruise leaves from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, on December 27 of this year and continues for 162 days. The Palms will visit such exotic sites as Bora Bora, Batikpapan, and Bombay, India, before disembarking in South Hampton, England in June of next year. Ken is hopeful that their schedule will allow them to take in the Reeling Pirates concert in Dubai in early April. With the retail price of this cruise starting at $89,999 the Palms expect that they will not have to deal with much riffraff on their assignment. While not among their official duties, both Ken and Judy have been secretly taking lessons in the use of light artillery. As Ken puts it, "A small portion of our trip passes near Somalia."

Judy has been enlisted by the Audubon Society to update all their photos of western birds. It seems that the current permissive attitudes and weak morality of modern-day humanity has begun to permeate the bird community. Yes, folks, wrens are consorting with mourning doves, robins with blue jays, fly catchers with sparrows, and so forth. The resulting offspring, as with human beings, may contain some or several of the attributes of either parent. Bird books and bird photos are becoming utterly unreliable. Judy Underwood has accepted the responsibility of making sense of this whole thing in an area that covers the entire southwestern United States. Judy was chosen for this invaluable work as a result of her many bird photos which have appeared in Rye Reflections. In recent years, Judy has concentrated on photographing birds "in the act." While she has been criticized in some birding circles for indulging in bird pornography, Judy claims that her recent efforts will produce positive results by allowing her to quickly categorize the young progeny.

Al has been enlisted by the New England Patriots to develop an infallible football play-calling system. His profound knowledge of statistics plus his computer skills have caught the attention of Bill Belichick and his staff. As Al modestly explains it: "Anything as simple as football can be quantified down to an extremely basic level using basic computer knowledge. Play calling is simply the statistical placement of man versus man, provided that the statistical input is accurate. This means that every player's height, weight, skill level, agility quotient, intelligence quotient and desire to win quotient must be entered into a master computer and be readily available for any game situation. Factors such as wind velocity, field conditions and crowd noise also play a part, but not so great a part as to be misinterpreted by a good computer expert such as myself."

Have faith, and put money on the Patriots this year.


In a parallel universe, September, 2010